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series: connections and conversation

Connections and Conversation is a free monthly Zoom meeting, cultivating creativity and freedom of thought and feeling. We invite you to engage with our presenters and community as they share their interests and passions in conversation on current topics in psychoanalysis.

This free event that alternates times. The meeting begins with a 45 minute presentation followed by 45 minutes of conversation. This event is typically NOT recorded. If this changes, it will be announced at the meeting.

This series is open to all.

In case of questions please contact: [email protected]

To Love and Lose or Never To Have Loved at All

Saturday, February 15th, 2025 from 9:00 AM – 10:30 AM PT

In this paper, I use my autobiographical experience of living in Moscow as a child to highlight fundamental dilemmas that human beings face most especially in the aftermath of experiencing significant disillusionment and suffering: ‘Is it better to love and lose or not to love so much? “Is it better to hope passionately and endure the risk of significant disappointment or is it better not to hope so fervently? Specifically, I describe how in the aftermath of my own traumatic experience, I detached from what I loved in order to dilute the pain of losing. Yet this attempt to dissociate from the risk of loving backfired I also detached from the passionate life force I needed to fulfill my life. I then more generally describe how through an individual’s attempt to cover up his vulnerabilities by forming a self-enclosed relationship with himself, a person can become trapped in an enclosed prison of isolation that prevents him from ‘seizing the vital moment’ of the one life he has at his disposal. I then speak of how the importance of how the jargon-free openness of a dialogical relationship in psychotherapy with the therapist as “participatory witness” to the patient’s lonely suffering is an important prelude to the process of mourning. Such mourning ultimately entails the replacement of self-shaming with self-acceptance of oneself as an individual.
Peter Shabad, Ph.D. ICP Connections Headshot

Peter Shabad, Ph.D.

He is on the Faculties of the Chicago Center for Psychoanalysis (CCP) and the Chicago Institute for Psychoanalysis. He is also Supervising and Training Analyst at the Institute for Contemporary Psychoanalysis. He is an Associate Editor on the Editorial Board of Psychoanalytic Dialogues. Dr. Shabad is co-editor of The Problem of Loss and Mourning: Psychoanalytic Perspectives (IUP, 1989) and is the author of Despair and the Return of Hope: Echoes of Mourning in Psychotherapy (Aronson, 2001). Dr. Shabad has a new book in press: Passion, Shame, and Mourning: Seizing The Vital Moment in Psychoanalysis to be published by Routledge.

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CE Credit

Connections and Conversation is not eligible for any CE Credits
No one in the planning or presentation of this activity has any relevant financial relationships with a commercial interest to disclose.

Special Accommodations

Please submit any requests for Special Accommodations to the ICP Office prior to registering or at your earliest convenience to ensure that we are able to assist.

presentation vault

Watch recordings and download papers and slides from past Connections and Conversations and Decentralized Learning Experiences.